My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
