fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
