When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
