ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
