Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize