I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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