It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
