a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
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