why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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