I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
