I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
