Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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