im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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