Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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