I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Only a mothe r could love this liver
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
