The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
