I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came on her dog
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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