When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
