the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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