pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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