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If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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