No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
