we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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