i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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