Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
