Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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