haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Randomize
