Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
