How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
