No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You are the jesus of drinking
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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