i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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