you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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