I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
