True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
