Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
