please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
