my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
they're like a gay fantastic four
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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