Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
