I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
