So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
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The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
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I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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