I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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