the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Randomize
