I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
