I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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