someone threw a dead crab at me
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
