yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
