i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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