Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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