and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
