Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
