Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
