We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
