oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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