dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
