Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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