If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
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had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
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I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
you made out with another girl for some wings
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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