just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
