No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
