so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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