My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
