I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
There's even glitter on my cock...
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