What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
