I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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