Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
