I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
