Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
