summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
This is the prime rib incident all over again
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
