Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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