Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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