having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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