Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
