If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
