PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
